I can't sleep

It is 3:00 AM here and I cannot sleep.  I have tossed and turned since going to bed a little after 11:00.  My mind starts to race and I start thinking about all things.  I need to stop.

Sabrina had her arm caught in the crib, so I took it out for her and snuggled with her a bit before putting her back to bed.  But now she is in bed and Sammy, and I'm still up.

My niece is spending the night and she is tucked in sleeping also.  The dogs are sleeping.  Jason is sleeping in Seattle.  What gives?

While I am up I thought I would share a cute little story.  As I mentioned in a previous post, the anniversary of my mom's death is nearing.  The month April will never be the same for me.  Always around this time little things start happening that make me question things.  I STRONGLY feel her presence.....and just weird stuff happens.  Like one year after her death her wedding ring that we couldn't find ANYWHERE mysteriously pops up.....one year later.

Anyhow, what happened today was more cute than weird.  I was coloring with Lexi after the babies went to sleep and we were drawing pictures.  She made one of me with a flower on one side and a tree on the other.  She knows I like nature.

I asked her which tree that was.  She replied it's your special tree planted at Gram Gram's. I told her she was right.  I said, "That's Bousha's tree." (That's what she called my mom) She asked why and I told her that the year that Bousha went to heaven was the very same year the tree bloomed it's first flowers.  It wasn't supposed to bloom that soon--it is a Wisteria and sometimes they take years to bloom.

So she looked at me and said, "Why did Bousha have to go to heaven?"

Break. My. Heart.  This precious, sweet, and innocent child asking the most precious, sweet, and innocent question.

I mustered all the strength I could in that moment and pulled back the tears that wanted to flow.  I smiled at her and said, "Sometimes, it's just time for people to go to heaven."

She was content with that.

The truth is, I'm glad she was content with that answer.  Number one, I'm not her mom and I don't know how her mom would want that question answered.  And number two, I couldn't think that fast! 

But that simple answer was good enough for a six year old for the time being.  And truth be told, sometimes, I wish I could be content with simple answers too. 

On that note, I'm going to bed.