What a difference a year can make....

2006:

2007:

2008:

 

Sigh.

They've taken over......

It has been sooooo long since I last blogged!  I have several things to catch up on, but too much for one entry. Every day either Sam and Sabrina do something that is blog worthy or camera worthy, but the camera usually wins.  After they are in bed, I'm usually too tired to blog.

But I have a spare moment and the motivation to write, so here it is!

The title "they've taken over" stands for the twins taking over the house....finally....and all of it.  You see, I'm a bit of a paranoid person and I prefer to have them within my eye distance almost all the time.  I'm a worrier and a bit of a control freak at times.  So I do what those people do best--set up gates and baby proof carefully, making sure that each little thing is safe....control what I can (for lack of a better word!)  When the twins were little babies, we stayed in the family room most of the day--unless we ventured outside or to the park.  Eventually, they took over the entire family room and kitchen--we thought they needed more space.  Then they got an extra room upstairs next to their nursery as added space.

A couple of weeks ago we sold our dining room set because we didn't love it anymore and we wanted more "safe" room for them to roam.  And now, the formal living room is opened up and basically the only things off limits in the entire house are the stairs (unless assisted) and the bathrooms (unless for potty).

So yes, they've officially taken over.

And I like it. 

I like that everything is "safe", except for trips and falls.  I like that I can throw a load of clothes in the washer and know that they are okay.  I like that I've grown as a mommy to let them have some independence in their own home.  And goodness knows, they have earned it.

Gone are the days of putting an infant in one spot and knowing that they pretty much won't move.  Instead, the days of little feet running, laughter, and twin talk is here.   The days of REAL words and conversations is here to stay as well.  And I know it will only get better.

I'll make a better effort to get some of our wonderful moments written more often. 

Because they are so very worth it............

Moving on up

 

To boosters, that is.

The day has come for this family that the high chairs are out of the kitchen!  To be quite honest, they have been driving me crazy for a long time.  Last winter I even stripped the cloth covers off of them because they got messy too quick. 

Life + me without high chairs = grand!

They served their purpose, but I think it was time.  And the twins would agree.  As soon as they seen the new boosters came out, all they wanted to do was explore them and sit in them--just like big kids.

Big kids?  Where have my babies gone?

I know this is only the beginning.  First it was the infant car seats, then the bouncy seats, exersaucers, and swings.  The bottles hurt the most.  Even though I jumped for joy at the thought of moving the high chairs out of the kitchen, I imagine I will be a wreck when the day comes for toddler beds.

They really do grow up way too fast. 

Really.

 

 

 

  

 

A family kiss

Yesterday, as Jason and I were putting the twins to bed, we followed our nightly routine as normal.  This:

We read several books.

We sing songs.

We clean up.

We put the twins to bed.

As we are getting them in their cribs we always exchange kisses.  Sabrina kisses dada.  Sabrina kisses Sammy.  Sabrina kisses me.

Sammy does the same thing.  He usually starts with me, then almost knocks heads with Sabrina while trying to give her a kiss.  Then he teases dada with his kisses.

Last night, I declared, "four-way kiss!"  We all leaned in to give smooches and the twins burst out with laughter.  They thought it was the funniest thing.  We repeated several times until they were content with the four- way kiss.

It was, without a doubt, the perfect family moment.

A family kiss.

Love You Forever

 

Another favorite nighttime read.  The twins, especially Sammy, adore this book to pieces.  Even when he was much younger--eight or nine months old he would hear me read this book and be mesmerized.  Here we are ten months later and it is still no different.

Sabrina likes this one too, but Sammy will choose between this one and two others most of the time.  He definitely has his favorites.  He brings it to me, knowing that I will read it, using the same tone and inflection that I used when I read it to him when he was a tiny baby.

I just love this story.  Some people might find it odd, but it is truly just the telling of a mother's love for her son.  Only a mother knows that love.

But I too, know the love I have for my daughter.

I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always

As long as I'm living

My baby you'll be......

Yes, though my babies are growing up and getting bigger, they will always still be my babies, no matter when they are eighteen months old, or eighteen years old.

Sigh. 

The updates

Well, the twins officially turned eighteen months this past Tuesday.

Eighteen months.

Wow, how time flies by.

This past summer, I have watched my son come out of his shell.  He was never shy, per se, but compared to Sabrina he sometimes seemed a little quieter and a little gentler.

No more.

"Hello world, my name is Sammy and I will not take crap from my sister anymore!"

He steals toys back now, BITES (we're working on this on), and asserts his wants.  Talking wise he has said more words, but still prefers his signs to words.  And for that, I at least knows that he understands me.  He nods and shakes his head with the appropriate questions, signals "all done" ALL THE TIME for things he wants out of--even a diaper change!  So even though he might not be using as many verbal words as Sabrina, I truly feel that he is doing just fine. 

He loves to bring me books to read to him, his little people, shape sorters, feeding himself with his fork and spoon, but his most favorite thing to do is play with his cars.  He says it like this, "kers".  Too cute.

Sabrina, on the other hand, has had the language explosion I have heard other people talk about.  She repeats almost everything I ask her to repeat, can give me sounds for many animals, some letter sounds, and an extended vocabulary of her own.  Her favorite words are "No!" and "Mine!"  Okay, so she may have learned the "no" from me, but I most certainly did not teach her "mine".  That is anyone's guess.

It's funny what they pick up though.  When she started saying milk awhile back, she said it like this, "mmmmmmmmmmmilk", with the emphasis on the "m" sound.  We didn't teach her that, it was something she did on her own.  And when Sammy started saying milk, he did exactly the same thing.

But where Sabrina has got the language lead, my boy has lead in other ways.  In social situations he gets right in.  In play areas he runs in with no fear.  We were at a new indoor play area this week and you have to climb up through this netting to go down a slide.  At first he was afraid but after I showed him how to do it there was no stopping him, he must have went up and down by himself about ten times.  He is the one that now has no fear.

I sat there, that day in the play area and just watched them both in amazement. I love just watching them sometimes.....figuring out a puzzle, a way to climb up something, the way they interact with each other.

It's truly amazing.

Truly.

How do you do it?

We had some changes in our schedule over here this week.  Jason was finally home for ONE WHOLE WEEK!  He was working on getting a varied schedule so every fourth week he would be home for ten days rather than three.  It looks like it's working out to be that way.

More so than lately, people have been asking how it has been with him traveling.  They ask me how I do it?  Well, to be honest, I have my good and bad days.  But more often than not, the days are good.  Why?  I think a lot of it has to do with our personal relationship with each other and our commitment.  And the fact that it happened at the right time in our marriage.

I guess what I am meaning to say is that we communicate very well with each other, even when he is five states away.  We talk, IM, email, several times a day.  It's like he is just at "work" for the day rather than him being far away.  The only difference is I am alone with the babies at night. 

When I say that it happened at the right time in our marriage, I really mean it.  He couldn't have done this when the babies were two weeks old or even two months old, or at other times during our marriage.  This was the right time.

This was also, I feel, the right time for him to pursue his biggest dream career wise.  And he has.  He has come SO far in his career in the past couple of years and I couldn't be prouder of him.  I don't mind holding down the fort here because I am not really doing it alone.  Even with distance between us during the week, we are together on every decision made for this family.

And this won't be forever--far from it.  It's merely a stepping stone.

Keep on stepping baby.  You're doing your family proud.

We love you.

Sometimes, ya just got to get messy.

It's true.

I really don't mind when my kids get messy, as long as they are having a good time.  Don't get the wrong idea--my children are CLEAN, but we don't shy away from activities because there might be a little mess involved.  We eat spaghetti, we go to a playground with sand, they've played in MUD, and today we had our first experience with.....

Finger painting.

With pudding, of course.  Except now in the future I will have to discourage them from actually eating the paint.  We still have that issue with crayons.....sometimes they'll sneak one in their mouth if I dare turn away.

Anyways, they had a grand old time making a mess.  I snapped some pictures and we just laughed and laughed.

It's fun to be messy.

But it's nice to clean up too.  :)

 

Oh, my heart.

My heart jumped into my throat last night.  Perhaps this can be best summed about by letters I have wrote to my dear, precious, darling, children.

Dear Sammy,

Honey, as much as I love you, I must implore you to never repeat what you did last night.  You nearly gave mommy a heart attack, which I can explain what that is when you are old enough.  Please, don't ever again stick your hand into the crack of the refrigerator door while I have it open.  Come around like you normally do and try to steal bottles of salad dressing and ketchup.

Why, you must wonder, does mommy ask you not to do such a thing?  Because your tiny hand could be squished in that door my darling.  You have pointed out another simple task that I do every single day can be dangerous to you.  Thank goodness I saw you before I shut the door all the way.  Thank you for keeping me aware.

Your wrist and hand is fine, thank goodness.  I know you want to be adventurous when it comes to the fridge, but please, let's not repeat this incident.  I like your hand and wrist just the way they are.

Love,

Mama

 

Dear Sabrina,

While I am tending to your brother in the midst of an emergency, try not to become enthused with the air vent that leads to the family room.  It's not really a fun toy, trust me.

You didn't even realize it, but while playing near it, you got your foot too close and got a scratch.  Again, mommy's heart jumped into her throat.  Luckily, a Band-Aid sufficed.  I know you think it is fun to scare mommy so much, but really, I can only handle one "almost bad accident" at a time.

Or at least give me five minutes to recover.

In any event, a new air vent has already been purchased to protect you from further vent investigating.

Love,

Mama

 

Oh yeah, it was a fun Thursday night evening at my house.

Thank goodness Dada is now home.

I've been tagged!

Thanks Amy!

Rules Once Tagged:
1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog (copy and paste 1-6).
3) Write 6 random things about yourself (see below).
4) Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them.
5) Let each person know they have been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6) Let the tagger (who tagged you) know when your post is up.

 

1.  I am weird about the sheets on my bed.  I DO NOT like my feet touching the bare mattress.  It's like nails on a chalkboard for me.

2.  I still check on the babies before going to bed at night.  I tip toe in, lay my hand gently on their back.  I whisper, "I love you".

3.  I am frustrated with running right now, but I will keep at it.

4.  I prefer my closet insanely organized.  Clothes all the same way on the hangers, colors coordinated, etc.

5.  Despite my last statement, my whole house seems to have been a wreck lately.  So I'm working on not being so anal about things that really truly do not matter.

6. I despise fish sticks.  As a child I ate them and got horribly sick.  If someone even mentions a fish stick to me I feel myself getting ill.

Okay, you're it! 

1.  Karin

2.  DeVoe Photography

3.  Robyn

4.  Rick

5.  Sarah

6.  Natalie

Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!

"Yes, Sabrina?"

She puts her arms up.

I pick her up.

She is content.

This is the game we play on a daily basis and I love it, though I won't tell Sabrina that.  She could be quite content playing in the family room and if I sneak away to get some coffee, prep a meal, or check an email, she knows.

She comes running at full force and stops about 1/2 inch away from my legs and will promptly yell at me.  "Mumma!  Mumma!"  I spell it that way because she doesn't really say "Mama", but it sounds like "mum-ah".  Which is the sweetest sound to my ears.  That and Sammy's high pitched squeal when he is in a really good mood.

"Borrowing" from Van Morrison....

These are the days of the endless summer
These are the days, the time is now
There is no past, there's only future
There's only here, there's only now

Ah yes, these are the days.

 

I love you, stinky face

Where have my babies gone?

In just a few short days, they will be seventeen months old.  SEVENTEEN MONTHS!  I still can't get over it.  I remember them when they were SEVEN days old and just precious little blobs that needed everything done for them.

Now they are precious little toddlers.  And while for the most part I still get a hand in their daily affairs, they are truly calling the shots now.

Example: bedtime.

We have established a nice little routine before bedtime. We have a small snack with milk and then I announce "bath time!".  This is met with excitement and grins as they run to the gate in the kitchen, all the while Sabrina making the sign for "bath" and saying "baaaa".  Sammy runs around squealing.

Up the stairs.  This is their favorite thing.  I remember when they only just learned crawling the stairs, now it is a race to see who gets to the top first.

After their bath they get nice and dry while I am soaked from all the splashing.  They cannot bathe without splashing.  Splashing mama is so in right now, didn't you know?  These toddlers say so, so it must be.

But here is my favorite part of the day.  And it's not putting them to sleep.

I love our story time right before bed.  I usually read about two or three books before we sings some songs and they doze off to sleep.  I just love this time.  This is what I envisioned when I looked ahead when they were tiny little babies.  Creating wonderful and simple memories.....and this is one of them.  One day, they'll remember that we had this little nighttime ritual and I hope that they will look upon it with as much fondness as I do.

And I know they'll love it just as much as me.  They both have a "favorite" book right now, "I love you, Stinky Face", that is a must read at bedtime.  Sammy will hear me start to read it and I automatically have his attention.  He loves this one almost as much as "I'll love you forever", but we haven't read that in a while because I need a new copy.

Today he just kept bringing it up to me, waiting for me to start reading it.  Sabrina curled up in my lap to turn the pages for me.  Even if it has been one heck of a day with teething and toddler tantrums, moments like this overcome all. 

A day will come when they won't want me to read them stories, give them kisses on their bellies, or baby them at all. 

But that day is still far away.  And so I say, I love you, my stinky faces.......

Catholic Rant

Many of you may or may not know that I am Catholic.  I went to twelve years of Catholic school, was married in a Catholic church, and both of my children have been baptized as well.

I won't get into a religious debate on here, but yes, I believe in God and Jesus.  I have those beliefs, but I have some major beef and issues with the Catholic church in general.  I disagree with many things about the church, so I have been "sampling" churches in my area for some better spiritual belief. 

The most aggravating issue I have with the Catholic church is the seemingly always emphasis on money.  Sure, they don't always come out and ask for it (although they don't have a problem with that either), but some things that they charge for that you would think would be free.

Example:  My uncle just passed away.  This was my grandmother's son and she has been taking it very hard.  She went to the church yesterday and picked out all of her special masses for the next couple months or so.  Basically, she gives them the names of people who have passed away and in the "intention" part of the mass, a name is read aloud.

Kind of like this:  "In today's liturgy we remember those who have passed on before us"......and their names are read.

Okay, I say "Great grandma, that's really nice."  She picked out masses for my mom, my uncle, my grandfather, and my great-aunt (her twin sister).

Her reply:  "Yeah, and it only cost me 65 dollars."

Hold the phone here.

I said, "WHAT!?!?  They CHARGE you to have a name read aloud at mass?  They CHARGE you to ask you to think of someone in a special way?  THEY CHARGE YOU?????"

Clearly, they do.

She wasn't surprised.  I guess they normally charge ten dollars PER NAME, but gave her the five dollar discount.

I guess it's her senior discount, eh?

This really lit a fire under my a**.  I give to the church that I attend and I have no problem with tithing.  I understand that the church does have bills to pay too and they pay those with the donations they receive.  I GET that.

What I don't get is charging some to READ a name at mass.  You would think that got wrapped right in with your tithing as a member.  And for the record, my grandmother, who is on a fixed income, goes and GIVES to that church every Sunday and every holy day there is.  That includes the day Immaculate Conception (among other days) for you non-religious readers out that.  She GIVES to them more than she can afford.

Couldn't she get her shout out free of charge?

If I am wrong here or I'm just not seeing it, someone please let me know.

Perhaps it's just one more thing about this specific church that ticks me off.  Or maybe I am in serious need of a Diet Coke.

Rant over.

Ugh

Once upon a time, before I had children.......I loved to go to school.  Of course, being a teacher I truly love to teach, but I used to love learning as well.  In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I often elected to take classes on campus even if an on-line was offered.  That's how much I loved going to school.

In the summer of 2006, we found out we were pregnant with the twins.  I was nearing half way through my masters program, with hopes of graduating and completing the program within one year.  In the fall I was still working and after a slip down the stairs at work and a blood pressure scare, Jason and I decided together that I would hold off on finishing my masters.  My point being that I have the rest of my life to finish that program, but I have nine months to get these babies good and healthy.  So while I continued working, I let go of one extra stress at the time......

It was, in hindsight, probably the best decision I ever made.  For the most part, the pregnancy was relatively healthy, and with about five weeks left to go before their birth, I stopped working as well.  My ankles were the size of telephone polls and I can't believe I ever wanted to wander around a college campus looking like I was twenty months pregnant.

It was a good decision.

So for the past sixteen months I have thoroughly enjoyed staying home with the babies.  The days are our own and we do as we see fit.  We go to the park, we visit friends, we chill at home.......and for the past sixteen months I really hadn't given that masters program much of a second thought.

Until recently.

In Michigan, you have five years to teach with your original, provisional certificate.  At that time, you must renew and most people go with their professional one.  In order to get your professional one, you must have eighteen post grad. credits.

No problem. 

Or so I thought.

I thought I had eighteen--in fact--I would have damn near bet my life on it.  But I only have fifteen.  I have already received an extension for my provisional certificate.....but before I even worried about it anymore, I signed up for an online class so I can just get the darn professional certificate and be done with it.  Are you following all of this?

Really, it doesn't even matter, since I am not working again this year.  But I signed up for the online class and since July 3rd have been regretting almost every second of it.

It's not that I can't do the work, because I can and I will.  It's not that it's terribly hard, although some of it is confusing.  It is a research class......with lots of terms and information.  Quantitative data versus qualitative data, variables, independent variables, random samples, cluster samples.......etc.

Ugh. 

And even thought I can and will complete all of this, I have just lost my motivation to learn this stuff.  It doesn't excite me anymore.  I'd rather be playing with the babies then responding to a group discussion. 

I gotta give up some major props to the mama's who work, go to school, and those super mama's out there that work and go to school.  Because this one little class is beating me over the head.

Off to work on creating a random sample.  Doesn't it sound fun?

Oh, and doesn't that lady on the cover of the book look just a tad too happy about educational research?  ;)

Kisses

This was just too sweet not to post.

These are the moments that make up my day.....and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world:

 

Stubborn, but sweet

Sammy is a stubborn boy.  He is patient, but oh so stubborn.

If he sees something that he wants, he is relentless.  He doesn't throw a fit like my precious daughter, but keeps coming back for his prize.   He waits and waits and waits, but doesn't forget.  He just waits until he can make a move.  Example:  When I give them a bath, I put the shampoo, baby wash, and big cup thingy that I use to rinse their hair, right outside the tub.

He is obsessed with the big cup thingy, which I am sure has a real name.Every time he is in the tub he spies it.  And waits for the exact moment to make his move.  He'll wait until I am shampooing Sabrina or washing her up and try and climb out of the tub.  And he doesn't stop until the big cup thingy is in his possession.

It isn't just the big cup thingy either......if something is on the counter that I swore I moved back far enough, he gets it.  His arms go into super stretch mode and he doesn't stop until he gets what he wants......quiet and diligent, but ever so sneaky.

Luckily, I fall into a category of "things Sammy wants", most of the time.  Today, I was trying to make dinner in the kitchen and he just kept following me around, grabbing my legs, until I picked him up. 

I looked at him.

He looked at me.

He smiled. 

He had gotten his prize.

And then ever so gently, rested his head upon my shoulder.

Sigh.

Fearless

My mom always used to tease me about how I was as a baby and child.  Apparently, I was pretty wild.  I got into every situation and had no fear. 

When I was pregnant, we heard the same old story from everyone......everything that Jason and I did to drive our parents crazy would come back to haunt us.

And so it begins........

 

Climbing on the chair and couch is old hat for my darling daughter.....but this was the first time I had the camera ready.

This is her new trick:

 

 

Sigh. 

You know what Jason's mom said about him?  That he was argumentative, always thought he was right and was one hell of a teenager.

Oh joy.  Can't wait for the teen years!

And yes, I'll be blogging about my son soon too.  He wasn't feeling well the day I snapped these pics!

My 5K

Today I did something that I never thought I would do, but I have always wanted to.

I ran a 5K.

No, I did not run the entire duration. But it is something I have been working up to for the past six weeks. I know I made some mistakes, but the point, plain and simple, is that I finished. I don't care what my time was or how many people passed me (although I had a hard time fighting that while I was running).

I finished. And next time I will do even better.

I realized that even though I had practiced and trained, I still didn't take different things into account.

1. Terrain. Most of my running is done on a treadmill, but I have tried to get outside and run because I knew it was going to be more difficult because of the pavement. But I forgot to account for small hills. I always forget to set the incline higher when I train and I always run on flat ground. This I will remember the next time.

2. The sun. Well this seems just plain silly. The race started at 8:15am so you would think it wouldn't be that hot.....but there were some areas where I could get no shade. And I was wearing a 3/4 length T-shirt and pants. Probably not my best move, but I am really not comfortable running in shorts. But perhaps I could get lighter pants and wear a short sleeved top.

3. I think I am slightly sick. This isn't an excuse, but the Sabrina didn't feel well the past three days and Sammy started showing big signs of it last night. I chalked it up to nerves, but perhaps I wasn't at my best pace.

4. Despite all warnings, I started out too fast and got too excited, hence, got winded too quickly and had to slow down. I will try really, really hard to remedy this for next time.

But you know what? I don't care. I am not going to beat myself up about something that I set out to do and FINISHED. I will simply train harder and better and kick my time in the butt next time.

I am setting a personal goal to do another 5K at the end of July or beginning of August.

And I know I will do even better!

Sabrina and I before the race.

Sammy and I before the race.

Finishing up!

A huge thanks to my family that came and supported me. And to my wonderful hubby, who has supported me always! I love you sweetie!

A moment

Of late, the twins have been fighting more over certain toys.  It could be something random, like a book, or it could be the other's favorite toy.  It's not uncommon for me to hear Sabrina's high pitched squeal or Sammy's yell over a prized possession.

Today, they were playing quite nicely.  I ran as fast as I could upstairs to quickly put their laundry away.  We have a loft that overlooks the family room, so I can continuously check on them for the five minutes I'm not with them.

When I peeked over the edge today I saw the sweetest thing.  Sammy was sitting next to Sabrina, who was laying on a blanket, tummy down, just looking at him.

He was patting her back. 

I swear, these moments just kill me. 

So precious. 

So sweet. 

So innocent.

I just love moments like this.

The part of motherhood I could deal without

There are so many things about being a mother that I love.  I could go on and on all day long.  I love the way the babies smell after a fresh bath with their lotion on.  I love the way each of them have their unique smile that they flash only for me.  I love how Sammy will wobble up to my legs and grab me all the way around as if he never wants to let go.  And I love how my precious daughter shares her special kisses with me.

Oh, there are so many things that I love about being a mom.

But there is one thing that I could really deal without.

It isn't the lack of sleep, "me" time, or craziness of the everyday.  It isn't the dirty diapers, loads of laundry, or constant mess.

Nope.  I can deal with all of that. 

What I cannot deal with is ouchies.

Boo boos, bumps, scraps, bruises, and sickness are all things I wish would never enter my children's lives.  And I suspect, if I'm not certain, that every mother would back me up on this.

I've said it once and I'll say it again.  My daughter WILL be the death of me.  For one, she has NO fear and I mean it.  She approaches any situation head on and going fast.  Which is why I know she is going to be my bumped up child.

She took a pretty nasty dive on Memorial Day from the grass to the concrete sidewalk.  She was near running and it was on a slant and even though daddy was less then two feet behind her, it didn't matter.  Face first she went into the sidewalk.

My immediate reaction?  A deep breath and my hands went over my eyes.  Then less then one second later I ran to her.  Jason had her and I did what I never thought I would do.  I grabbed her from him.  Sorry babe!

Though I know she was being comforted by daddy, I still wanted to hold, kiss, and hug her and let her know she was alright.  Daddy knew I needed to hold her more in that moment then he did, which is a testament to him not only being a wonderful father, but a husband as well. 

She had a red mark from the fall about the size of a quarter, which was on its way to healing quickly.

Until today.

Again, she moved too fast for her feet and fell again.  This time there were THREE adults around her and we couldn't move fast enough.  She recovered much more quickly than Monday.  In fact, it barely phased her.

But how I wish that it barely phased me.

I can barely handle a bump and a scrap.  How will I make it through the bike riding, skateboarding, roller blading, football playing phases?

With patience, persistence, band-aids, helmets, Neosporin, and my wonderful husband.

A letter to my babies on mother's day.

My dearest Sam and Sabrina,

Today is mother's day. It is a day that is celebrated for mother's everywhere. We, as mothers, are allowed to do whatever we choose on mother's day.....sleep late, have breakfast made for us, lounge around......or do our normal daily activities. We can do as we please on this day.

When I think about this day though, I obviously think about you two. You both made me a mother. In more than just the biological sense. Yes, you both grew in my tummy. Yes, I gave birth to you. And yes, the day of your birth was the best day of my life. But being a mother is so much more than that.

You've shown me in the last fourteen months how to love more as a person, have more patience, and enjoy more of life's simple pleasures. You both look at the world through innocent and untarnished eyes--every day is a new adventure and I get to go on it with you.

A dandelion is not a weed to either of you. It is a bright, colorful stick that you can grab and put in your mouth if mommy isn't looking. Bubbles aren't just soap, they are big circles that can fly. How do they do that, you must wonder. You don't dread waking up early in the morning, you laugh and wake up with smiles. How wonderful is your life? Simply fabulous.

But as wonderful as your life is, you have made mine ten times better. I get to relive childhood innocence through both of you......look at things brand new like you do......and laugh when I wake up because I hear you both giggling.

So while I appreciate being able to sleep in on this mother's day, I really thank you for coming into the world and choosing me to be your mama. Always remember how much I loved you before you got here, love you so much right now, and will always love you forever.

Love with hugs and kisses to my little babies,

Mama

Three years ago......

 

My mother passed away.

April is a month that will never be the same for me.  Today is the anniversary of her death and tomorrow would have been her 52nd birthday.  She was so young when she passed on.

Oddly enough, today didn't hit me as hard as it had in the past.  I did some major grieving and reminiscing last week, so perhaps that is why.  One day I broke down on the phone with a close friend and just cried and cried.  It really helped to get some things off of my chest.......things that I had already thought I had dealt with.

I know it will never be truly easy, but truly some days are easier.  They just are.  I get caught up in the bustle of life, especially with the babies, and some times it isn't so hard.  Some times I can remember her fondly, without crying, without tears, and without pain. 

But some days are not like that.

Some days I just long for my mother.  Only a person who has lost a mother could understand this I think.  And this means so much more to me now that I am a mother.  I want to be held and cuddled too.  Of course Jason does this for me, but my mom had a mothers touch.  She would brush my hair back from my face or touch my nose.  When I was a baby she rubbed my forehead to help me get to sleep.........so I rub the babies foreheads sometimes.

My mom was married for almost thirty years when she passed away.  She had two sisters and one brother.  In addition having me, she also had my brother Lenny.  She had so many people that loved her in her life and that knew her well.

But despite all these people, I'd like to believe that I knew her best.  I knew when she was in pain and sorrow and I knew when she was happy.  I know that even though she was dealt a hard life at times, she was a survivor. 

And what she may never know is how much she really did teach me.

When someone passes away suddenly you wonder about how much was left unsaid.  You question yourself, beat yourself up, grieve, and sometimes wonder "why?" 

I know that I will never get that answer in my lifetime.  But I also know and BELIEVE that my mother knows how much I love her.

How much I learned from her.

How much I miss her.

How much I would give to have one more day.

And so, because of my mother, I cherish every moment I have with my children.  I am not a perfect person or mother, but when I learn lessons, I learn them well. 

And so I say to those of you reading this, as I always do when I write about my mother--

Give extra hugs and kisses today, love a little longer and hold each other a little tighter. 

For you truly never know when it could end.

The sweetest kiss........

Today I was on major laundry duty.  With Jason just getting back into town and leaving again tomorrow I had some catching up to do.  Add in all of the twins new summer clothes that haven't been washed, plus their normal laundry and I am backed up.

So I was folding clothes in the family room while the babies were playing.  They love helping me do laundry:  each of them takes an article of clothing out of the basket, walks with it somewhere in the room and deposits the item and comes back for more.  I quit trying to get them to stop a long time ago.  They think they are helping mama and really, it's not a big deal.

Sammy got tired of taking clothes out of the basket and sat about five feet away from me.  But Sabrina, ever so diligently, continuously removed clothing from the basket.  On one of her rounds back to me she veered off for Sammy.

Lately they have gotten into wrestling (they both laugh hysterically) and tapping each others heads (I think they are trying to be nice, but it doesn't always come out that way).  So I am getting ready to break up a potential tiff. 

She sat down in front of him on her knees.  She crawled towards him.  I'm watching with curiosity, wondering what she is doing.  Then she half puckered, half opened her mouth and kept going in.

She was trying to give her brother a kiss.

In the history of sweetest things I have ever witnessed, that will be going on the top ten list.

I just love being a mama.

Welcome Home

 

Jason is home, safe and sound, thank goodness.

He arrived at metro around 5:00ish (am) and took a cab home.....so when he got home there was really only about 1 1/2-2 hours and then the twins would be up for the day.  He fell into bed, exhausted.

I had told him previously that he could get some extra sleep in and just come down and see them later.  So during their morning snack time, I heard daddy puttering down the stairs.

"Who's that?"  I asked Sam and Sabrina.  "Dada's home!"  I exclaimed.

They both got little smiles on their faces when I said that.  But when they saw Jason if they could have unbuckled themselves out of their chairs and ran to them, they would have.  Their smiles stretched from ear to ear.  They were beyond excited to see their daddy.

I got Sammy out first and he clung on to Jason like he never has.  His head rested on his fathers shoulder and he smiled while he talked to him.  Sabrina was letting it known that she wanted to see her dada too.  "Dadoo!  Dadoo!"  she yelled.  She got her hugs in also and clung on to daddy.

As we were laying them down for their morning nap not longer after, I could sense Jason's sadness.  He loves his job and he is providing for his family, making leaps and bounds in his career.  But as we were putting them to sleep he said,

"You have no idea different they look."

Sure this was hard for me, doing this pretty much alone for the past two weeks.  I relied on friends and family.  But I did feel for my sweet hubby, being away from me and his two babies.  He's right, they don't look different to me.  But I understand completely what he means.

He was worried that they would forget who he was.  I think all of that was erased with the excitement they showed when they saw him and clung on to him all day long.

Welcome home, dada.  We missed you dearly.

I can't sleep

It is 3:00 AM here and I cannot sleep.  I have tossed and turned since going to bed a little after 11:00.  My mind starts to race and I start thinking about all things.  I need to stop.

Sabrina had her arm caught in the crib, so I took it out for her and snuggled with her a bit before putting her back to bed.  But now she is in bed and Sammy, and I'm still up.

My niece is spending the night and she is tucked in sleeping also.  The dogs are sleeping.  Jason is sleeping in Seattle.  What gives?

While I am up I thought I would share a cute little story.  As I mentioned in a previous post, the anniversary of my mom's death is nearing.  The month April will never be the same for me.  Always around this time little things start happening that make me question things.  I STRONGLY feel her presence.....and just weird stuff happens.  Like one year after her death her wedding ring that we couldn't find ANYWHERE mysteriously pops up.....one year later.

Anyhow, what happened today was more cute than weird.  I was coloring with Lexi after the babies went to sleep and we were drawing pictures.  She made one of me with a flower on one side and a tree on the other.  She knows I like nature.

I asked her which tree that was.  She replied it's your special tree planted at Gram Gram's. I told her she was right.  I said, "That's Bousha's tree." (That's what she called my mom) She asked why and I told her that the year that Bousha went to heaven was the very same year the tree bloomed it's first flowers.  It wasn't supposed to bloom that soon--it is a Wisteria and sometimes they take years to bloom.

So she looked at me and said, "Why did Bousha have to go to heaven?"

Break. My. Heart.  This precious, sweet, and innocent child asking the most precious, sweet, and innocent question.

I mustered all the strength I could in that moment and pulled back the tears that wanted to flow.  I smiled at her and said, "Sometimes, it's just time for people to go to heaven."

She was content with that.

The truth is, I'm glad she was content with that answer.  Number one, I'm not her mom and I don't know how her mom would want that question answered.  And number two, I couldn't think that fast! 

But that simple answer was good enough for a six year old for the time being.  And truth be told, sometimes, I wish I could be content with simple answers too. 

On that note, I'm going to bed.

Kind people vs. rude

 

I needed to pick something up at a store today, so I gave the babies an afternoon bath (we would be home late) and we were off.  Now going into a store might seem simple if you are childless.  Add one in and you have a little bit more to carry.  Add two and not only do you have more to carry, but there is just the plain logistics of getting them out of the car and into the store safely.

I am paranoid of kidnappers, so I have a system.  I get all of the stuff out and onto/into the stroller first.  Then I pull the stroller to one side and take out baby #1 and get baby #1 all buckled.  Then I pull the stroller to the other side and do the same.....although my leg is usually wrapped around the stroller to make sure no one kidnaps baby #1 while I am getting baby #2.  It's a grand time.

Anyway, today I got Sabrina out first.  Or, I was attempting to get her out.  Mind you, it's raining a bit.  A car pulls up next to me and the driver just looks at me.  Okay.  I shut the door to let her park.  Well, Sabrina is half way unbuckled so as soon as the woman parked I hurried up to get her.  The woman STILL opens her door (she can't wait ONE minute?) and makes some sort of comment as she goes.  What is wrong with people?

Honestly, I don't expect people to ohhh and ahhh over the babies (although most do :)).  I don't expect people to do me favors.  Heck, I don't even expect people to open the darn door when I am struggling with the double stroller.  I guess I just expect people to keep their comments to themselves and wait ONE minute in their WARM car so I can get my baby out.  Really. 

While this annoyed me, I still went on my merry way.  People still smiled at them and ohhhed and ahhhed over the babies. 

But later, my faith in humanity was restored.  As I was driving in the rain one of my windshield wipers quit working completely.  It was hard to see because of the rain.  So I pulled over to find that the wiper was removed from the thing (I do NOT know the technical name) that holds it on.  I tried to get the wiper back on, but it was too high....so it was essentially going OFF of the car.  Seriously, you should have seen me.  I looked like an idiot trying to pull the wiper off calling everyone I knew to help me.

I bit the bullet and asked a man nearby to help me.  And help me he did.  He pulled off the wiper, fixed it, shook my hand and wished me well getting the babies home. 

It was an act of kindness that reminded me how nice people really can be sometimes. 

It was so needed.

So tomorrow, do something nice for someone.  Make it "Rachel's Nice Deed Day."  Trust me, you'll make someone's day better.

Tears of Joy

Today, I cried tears of sadness and of joy.

Always around this time of year, I start to think more and more about my mother.  I think of her on a daily basis, but when it nears the anniversary of her birth and death I become more emotional, quite understandably.

I was thinking about her as I was driving home from visiting a friend.  A song came on the radio that has great meaning to me and when I hear it, I instantly think of my mother.  As I drove, happy memories flooded my head about my mom.  Simple memories that may have only been special to me or her......but I think those are the best sort of memories.

I glanced in my rearview--as I do about one hundred times a day with the babies in the car, and instantly my thoughts went to them not knowing my mother.  That made me sad and of course, the sad tears followed.  I didn't want to be sad today so I brushed my tears away and refocused myself. 

Once at home we settled into our normal routine.  While dinner was finishing I was playing with the babies in the family room.  Sammy took about three steps just a few weeks ago, but nothing we would really count as walking.  He was standing next to me holding my hand and I let him walk out away from the couch. 

In the next moment, he let go of my hand and proceeded to walk a considerable distance across the room.  As he was doing his wobbly walk I was screaming from the rooftops, "Go Sammy, GO!" 

He had the biggest smile on his face and just kept going.  He really WALKED.  And in that moment, a moment that only a parent could understand, I cried tears of happiness.  I cried for my little boy who just moved one more step away from babyhood.  I cried for him being so proud of himself.  I cried happy tears, tears of joy.  And I scooped him up in my arms and smothered him with kisses of  love and affection.  We of course called daddy immediately!

He did this many more times this evening, perfecting his new skill.  Within an hour (and no, I'm not kidding), he figured out how to get to standing without help from a wall, couch, or person.  I predict it will only be a few days that he will be just as good of a walker as Sabrina.

As I reflect on the great successes of the day, I feel JOY because even though that this might sound silly to others, I felt my mother in the family room with me today.  She may not ever be able to hold or kiss the babies, but she will know them, just from a different place.  She has already touched them, through me, in ways that she may not even know.

So while I'm human and my tears of sadness will sometimes come, today the tears of joy prevailed.  And those are the tears that I ALWAYS prefer.

My Sabrina.

 

 

I dedicated an entire blog to Sammy the other day and in case anyone was wondering, of course I planned to do one for my little girl too.

So here it is.........

My Sabrina.

My Sabrina was born at 2:37 am on March 2nd, 2008.  She was the second born, but she was not to be outdone.  Her personality has shown through right since the start.  No one really thought she looked like me when she was born, and I agreed.  She seemed to have red tinted hair and none of us knew where that came from.  The closest person that she bore her a resemblance too was her Papa, my father.  I came across one of his baby pictures not too long after she was born and I thought....."Oh!  That's who she looks like!"

 

 

My Sabrina, has always been independent.....I would daresay even from the womb.  She was on my left side during the pregnancy and every now and then she would get a little quiet.  I would push on my belly or move around to try and get her to kick.  She would give me a strong kick to the side as if to say, "Leave me alone already!"

Her independence continued right on from birth.  In the beginning, she expressed this with her lungs.  Her very loud lungs.  She was not a patient girl.  I will always remember that her cry was so sharp and ear piercing!  If she needed to be fed or changed, it needed to happen within a moment or she would let us have it.

My Sabrina will cuddle on her terms.  She will come to me (or daddy) when she is ready to.  She is not one to be pushed.  Oh, but she does still like to cuddle.  I won't tell her I shared her little secret.  She'll be walking by and give me a quick peck on the lips or a quick hug and be off.  And sometimes, when she doesn't think I'm looking at her, she's looking at me......watching and observing.

 

My Sabrina has a wonderful and contagious laugh.  If it's something she finds particularly amusing she has the biggest and best belly laugh.....one of those laughs that builds up and would make anyone else in the room laugh too.  She enjoys especially laughing with her Sammy.....they play peek a boo with each other......one of her favorite games.

And in the same note, if she is feeling particularly moody and something ticks her off, she can whip up the tears as fast as she could smile.  The tears usually stem from Sammy stealing a toy from her or us removing her from a potentially dangerous situations.  She has an unusual affection for computer cords and small things on the floor that the vacuum or I have missed.  We're working to find her other hobbies.

 

But this week, while Sammy has been having a tough time, my Sabrina has not.  It's almost as if she knows that I am on my own with them.  She goes to sleep without issue and when Sammy has needed me she occupies herself with a toy.  That she can express empathy and understanding at the age of one truly boggles my mind.  But she does, she really does.

So when I have that extra special one on one time with either one of them, I take it in a heartbeat.  It doesn't matter if I have laundry to do or dishes to wash.  I take my special moments when they come.  And when I put Sammy to bed tonight after she had already been down for twenty minutes, I looked over and she opened her eyes.  She reached up for me and I stole that moment.  I rocked and sang her to sleep while she held on to my neck and played with my nose.

She wanted to cuddle.

Really, could I ever tell her no?

She is, after all, my Sabrina.