Tears of Joy

Today, I cried tears of sadness and of joy.

Always around this time of year, I start to think more and more about my mother.  I think of her on a daily basis, but when it nears the anniversary of her birth and death I become more emotional, quite understandably.

I was thinking about her as I was driving home from visiting a friend.  A song came on the radio that has great meaning to me and when I hear it, I instantly think of my mother.  As I drove, happy memories flooded my head about my mom.  Simple memories that may have only been special to me or her......but I think those are the best sort of memories.

I glanced in my rearview--as I do about one hundred times a day with the babies in the car, and instantly my thoughts went to them not knowing my mother.  That made me sad and of course, the sad tears followed.  I didn't want to be sad today so I brushed my tears away and refocused myself. 

Once at home we settled into our normal routine.  While dinner was finishing I was playing with the babies in the family room.  Sammy took about three steps just a few weeks ago, but nothing we would really count as walking.  He was standing next to me holding my hand and I let him walk out away from the couch. 

In the next moment, he let go of my hand and proceeded to walk a considerable distance across the room.  As he was doing his wobbly walk I was screaming from the rooftops, "Go Sammy, GO!" 

He had the biggest smile on his face and just kept going.  He really WALKED.  And in that moment, a moment that only a parent could understand, I cried tears of happiness.  I cried for my little boy who just moved one more step away from babyhood.  I cried for him being so proud of himself.  I cried happy tears, tears of joy.  And I scooped him up in my arms and smothered him with kisses of  love and affection.  We of course called daddy immediately!

He did this many more times this evening, perfecting his new skill.  Within an hour (and no, I'm not kidding), he figured out how to get to standing without help from a wall, couch, or person.  I predict it will only be a few days that he will be just as good of a walker as Sabrina.

As I reflect on the great successes of the day, I feel JOY because even though that this might sound silly to others, I felt my mother in the family room with me today.  She may not ever be able to hold or kiss the babies, but she will know them, just from a different place.  She has already touched them, through me, in ways that she may not even know.

So while I'm human and my tears of sadness will sometimes come, today the tears of joy prevailed.  And those are the tears that I ALWAYS prefer.